Iowans don’t forget to write me in during the caucuses. Not because it’s all that important but because I want to win something called a caucus.
I want to watch cheerleaders at half time instead of guys with blown dried hair and whitened teeth.
An obvious choice
All young blonde tennis players wishing to immigrate to America will be personally reviewed by me on a case by case basis.
I will take into consideration their worthy attributes and study the subject long and hard. I am willing to put as much time into this issue as it takes to make America safe.
I will treat immingration the way I treat visitors to my home.
All others will be turned away. I am not a big fan of the pop in and as President I will end it immediately. If that means F-16s on the border then I will order them to patrol.
We have far too many problems that need addressing without inviting guests to visit, so all foreign citizens should not hold their breath waiting for their invitation.
All immigrants whether legal or not, whether new to us this year or here for two hundred years will be asked to help find solutions and become productive citizens or will be asked to leave and even walked to the door by a contingent of U.S. Marines.
The day I am sworn in the excuses end.
Either become a part of the solution or find a country who likes complainers and whiners.
I think criticism is good for our leaders and our country but if finding fault is all you are willing to do take your show on the road.
Why do entertainers think I care who they are voting for?
The reason it is a secret ballot is so I don’t have to listen to a person with a degree in “media studies” telling me who to vote for!
I have not and will not accept an endorsement from Oprah or any other over sized bag of entertainment wind. I will go one step further. Upon my election I will send a bill to congress asking for a law cancelling her show. It will ask for it to be replaced by episodes of Home Improvement.
Who decided the BCS Championship should be played on the first Monday the kids are back in school?
Way to build a future fan base NCAA!
Remember commercials aren’t worth anything without fans!